Learn about the science of journaling and how to use it to improve your life. We may have the assumption that all journaling is good for us, but the last few decades of research have shown us that the extent to which journaling—or expressive writing—is good for us depends a lot on what, exactly, we write about. One of the most common journaling techniques is freewriting (or free-flow writing). Freewriting involves writing whatever comes to our mind by just letting the thoughts come and putting them onto the page without any filters or concern about grammar, spelling, or storyline. This may include both conscious thoughts and other thoughts that bubble up from the unconscious. Writing about emotional experiences tends to result in improvements in mental and physical health. More specifically, these benefits can come from 15-30 minutes of daily journaling for 3-5 days (Pennebaker, 1997). That's it. That means that daily journaling for just one week can result in some benefits. The reason why expressive writing works appears to be because inhibiting our thoughts and emotions is bad for our health. By disclosing the things, we haven't told anyone, we help release that burden of keeping it all inside ourselves (Pennebaker, 1997). And because a journal is private, we can freely and comfortably share thoughts and feelings that we might not feel comfortable sharing with others. InstructionsTo try a science-based approach to journaling, use these instructions: Write about your very deepest thoughts and feelings about an important issue that has affected your life. You might tie your experience to your relationships, past experiences, or anything else that seems relevant. Try to write daily for 5 days in a row or weekly for 1 month—both approaches appear to be effective (Pennebaker, 1997). More Journaling IdeasIn addition to Pennebaker's research on expressive writing, a variety of other journaling approaches have been studied. These other journaling approaches may be a bit easier and more approachable for most of us. Let's talk about some of them now. Gratitude journalingIn a gratitude journal, we aim to cultivate appreciative feelings (Kaczmarek et al., 2015). So, we might write about experiences we're grateful for, create gratitude lists, or even paste in pictures of things to create a sort of gratitude collage. Reflective journalingReflective journaling is thought to aid experiential learning—or learning from our real-life experiences. You might start by first reflecting on the details of an experience. Then, aim to interpret the event to try to understand what happened and find meaning or value in it (Hubbs & Brand, 2005). Health journalingSome studies have looked at the impact of journaling on current health issues like cancer. Like other forms of expressive writing about emotional experiences, this type of journaling appears to result in reductions in mental health issues like depression and anxiety for those with health issues. Specifically, it appears that writing about negative emotions is largely responsible for these positive impacts (Smith, Anderson‐Hanley, Langrock, & Compas, 2005). Goal journalingAnother popular form of journaling is goal journaling. This may involve less freewriting and may be more structured to help you set goals, plan, and track activities. Given goal-setting research supports all these types of goal reflections, this type of journaling can indeed be beneficial and help you reach your goals. References
Learn all about fear and how to overcome it. Put simply, fear is the experience we have when we feel threatened (Adolphs, 2013). Whether the threat is an upcoming performance review at work, the steep slope of a mountain you’ve chosen to ski down, or the sound of footsteps behind you at night, fear is a full-body, stressful experience of anticipating something bad might happen. We usually think of fear as an emotion (Thomson, 1979), but scientists also define fear according to the thoughts, behaviors, and changes in our bodies that happen when we feel fear (Buck, 1984; Ekman, 1977). We often use the words “fear” and “anxiety” as if they are pretty much the same thing. However, researchers and psychologists have distinct definitions for each word. Fear is an immediate and automatic response to something threatening in your environment. If you respond effectively to the fearful situation, you may not fear it as much next time. However, if you don’t resolve or get out of the fearful situation, you learn to worry about that situation happening again. That’s how anxiety develops. In other words, anxiety results from being in fearful situations that you don’t think you can handle (Beck & Emery, 2005; Ohman, 2008). Fear in the BodyWhen something frightens you, your conscious experience of it may be a combination of physical symptoms (more on these in a moment) and fearful thoughts. Psychologists and other scientists, however, think of fear as a response your body makes to something threatening, with the goal of defending you against it (Johnson, 2016). Parts of your brain that focus on detecting threats go on high alert, telling the rest of your body to flood with hormones and prepare you to react effectively (LeDoux, 2003). This high-alert response involves many changes in your body. Fear in the MindPsychologists also measure fear by looking at how frequent, intense, and long-lasting the thoughts are about the threatening event (Rachman et al., 1987). To take an example, most people who are about to have surgery done will have some fearful thoughts regarding negative outcomes. However, if those thoughts come up so frequently or are so difficult to ignore that they make it hard for somebody to go about their daily life, then they may need professional help coping with that fear. Fear in our BehaviorWhen we face something threatening, we try to respond adaptively. All the ways we behave in the face of fear function to help us stay safe (Adolphs, 2013). As you may have heard before, most animals, including humans, respond to frightening circumstances with some version of “fight” (e.g., getting ready to meet the threat head-on), “flight” (e.g., getting ready to run away and avoid the danger), or “freeze” (e.g., shutting down so that the threat may pass you by) (Bracha et al., 2004). Common Symptoms of Fear
Overcoming FearHundreds of studies have shown that the most effective way to treat fear is to expose oneself to fearful situations (McLean et al., 2022). Exposure therapy, as this is called, can look several different ways. People who fear specific situations work with a therapist to face those situations in progressively more fearful ways. For example, somebody who is afraid of spiders might first read about spiders, then look at a picture of a spider, then watch a video of spiders, then sit across the room from a spider in a cage. Another technique, which is more commonly used to support people with PTSD, is to practice intentionally focusing on events that were especially scary (McLean et al., 2022). As people practice writing out and reading out loud the stories of what has happened to them, in a safe and therapeutic context, they begin to have less fear that such a situation will happen again. We can also overcome fear by consciously regulating our bodies. Taking deep breaths, consciously relaxing our muscles, and even imagining ourselves in a less stressful situation can reduce fear. Overall, fear is an essential human emotion, an evolutionary gift designed to keep us safe from harm. Your fears are natural, and they are trying to help you. It’s up to you to decide whether to heed each fear or try to overcome it. I hope this article has helped you understand when and how to do that. References
Here’s what science says about causes, symptoms, and treatment of emotional lability. Do you feel like your emotions swing all over the place? Once you start experiencing emotions, does it feel hard to stop? Or do your emotions feel especially intense? Then you may be experiencing some form of emotional lability. Emotional lability is a rapid and intense change in a person’s emotions or mood, typically inappropriate to the setting (Posner et al., 2014). For example, a person can suddenly start crying uncontrollably because of any strong emotion, even though they do not feel sad, frustrated, or happy. The term originally comes from the Latin word labilis, meaning “transient, fleeting, slippery” (World of Dictionary, n.d.), which highlights the dramatic and frequent shift between emotional experiences. Emotional lability can also be an over-expression of positive emotions, such as enthusiasm or energy, either disproportionate to the event or improper to the circumstance (Posner et al., 2014). One example is when a person suddenly laughs uncontrollably at a funeral. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th Edition (DSM-5; American Psychiatric Association, 2013) says that emotional lability appears as a symptom in various disorders, including: Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)Which is a mental illness characterized by unstable moods, impulsive behavior, and problems in relationships. Bipolar Disorder (BP)Which is characterized by episodes of intense mood swings, with depressive lows and manic highs. In Bipolar disorder, emotional lability often lasts longer (e.g., days-weeks; Posner et al., 2014). Substance Use.Which can include alcohol or any illicit drugs. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)A common psychiatric disorder defined by inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)A disorder in which a person struggles to recover after witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event. What are Emotional Lability Symptoms?Extreme emotions and sudden mood shifts.For example, those suffering from emotional lability experience intense feelings that change rapidly and often fluctuate through the day. Improper reactions.If a person laughs uncontrollably at a funeral, it is a sign of emotional lability, as it refers to inappropriate reactions. Difficulty controlling emotions.People who experience emotional lability may have little control of their feelings, which can make it more difficult to stop them. Emotional lability can negatively impact a person’s daily life and these behaviors can be confusing or embarrassing. How to Deal with Emotional LabilityIf you, or someone close to you, are experiencing emotional lability, here are a few things to do to better cope with it (Acquired Brain Injury Outreach Service, 2021). Be aware.It is very important to be aware of what triggers emotional lability and to try to avoid them whenever possible. Some of these triggers include extreme fatigue, stress, or certain social situations or environments. Take care of yourself.By taking care of yourself, both physically and mentally, you may reduce tension and stress. Make sure that you get enough sleep every night, have a balanced diet, and exercise regularly. By doing something that makes you feel better, such as going on a stroll or spending quality time alone, you may increase your overall well-being. Take a break.If you experience lability, it’s ok to take a step back for a few minutes to cope with the emotions. Find a distraction.Sometimes it can be helpful to change the topic or to engage in a different activity to reduce stimulation and regain control of the emotions. Acknowledge the feelings.It’s important to realize that sometimes you can’t control your emotions, and that’s OK. You just must take care of yourself and practice self-compassion. Educate.Other people can be confused or frightened about what they can’t understand. If you feel comfortable, you can let people know what happened. Ask for help.It is important to remember that you are not alone in this. You can talk to your friends or family members, or ask for help from a professional, such as a therapist or psychiatrist. In SumIn summary, emotional lability can be a challenge. By understanding its roots, it may become easier to manage. References
Discover the causes and signs of emotional detachment and strategies to reduce it. Broadly speaking, emotional detachment is the inability or unwillingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings, which can translate into repeatedly being disconnected or disengaged from what other people are feeling. It is like building a wall between yourself and the outside world and not letting it down for anyone. Emotional detachment may interfere with the person’s life, impacting social, emotional, and even work areas. For example, a person might have a hard time creating or keeping a personal relationship, or it might be challenging for them to share their feelings or emotions. Emotional detachment is a complex issue. For some people, being emotionally detached is a coping mechanism—a strategy that is used to protect them from stress or getting hurt. For others, it can be a reaction to trauma, abuse, or unprocessed emotions, which makes the person unable to open about their struggles. Although emotional detachment can be helpful in some situations if used with a clear purpose— such as not caring if people gossip about you—it can have a negative effect if it’s used too much or if you can’t control it. For instance, if you are unable to connect with other people or have a hard time expressing emotions, it might impact your personal relationships. However, it’s important to keep in mind that emotional detachment is not simply a ‘switch’ that can be turned on and off at will. Causes of Emotional DetachmentEmotional detachment can have different causes, such as past neglect or trauma, mental health conditions, or even medications. Some common causes of emotional detachment include: Past Experiences.Exposure to traumatic events and interpersonal trauma in childhood is associated with emotional detachment, but so is psychological trauma in adulthood (Dvir et al., 2014; Foa & Hearst-Ikeda, 1996). Children may also use emotional detachment to cope with a traumatic event. Other Mental Health ConditionsA couple of mental health conditions include emotional detachment. Some of these psychological illnesses include bipolar disorder, depression, personality disorders, and PTSD. MedicationsEmotional detachment might also be a side effect of some medications, including antidepressants such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), which are used to treat major depressive disorders and other psychiatric disorders. Personal ChoiceSome people might choose to detach emotionally to cope with stress, anxiety, or boundaries violations. Signs of Emotional Detachment
In a romantic relationship, some of the emotional detachment signs include (Gunther, 2020): Not Being Available.Your partner might not answer the bids for connection (like requests for something or help needed in an emergency). Even though there will be moments when any partner is less available because of stress, work, or personal issues, being constantly emotionally unavailable or rejecting bids for connection can indicate emotional detachment. Poor CommunicationCommunication is an important skill that needs constant practice, and not all communication is verbal. Poor communication simply means that a partner is not communicating in a way that is clearly understood by the other partner or is expressing disgust or rejection through body language. Reduced Affection.There are many ways to show affection. Learning you and your partners’ love languages is an important step towards building a strong relationship. For example, emotionally detached partners might have a hard time expressing affection or saying, “I love you,” which can negatively impact the relationship. How to Be More Emotionally AttachedHere are some examples of how to let go of emotional detachment and build connections with others: Build a Support System.On your path to understanding your emotions, an important step is to connect with people who support you. Building a support system has many mental and physical health benefits and can be an invaluable help as you begin to gain awareness of your emotions. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation.Mindfulness is an ancient practice that can help you focus on the present moment, which can include your emotional response to an event or how you typically think about emotions in general. Learning how to practice mindfulness and meditation can help you build self-awareness and self-compassion. Practice Being Emotionally Vulnerable.Being vulnerable is an important part of any relationship, as it helps you build an authentic connection, creates a stronger bond, and breaks down emotional walls. Learning how to be vulnerable takes time and patience from you and those around you, so it’s important to have people who support you on this path. Seek Professional Help.Asking for help does not mean you are weak. If emotional detachment is affecting your life, talk to a therapist. A licensed mental health professional can help you work through difficult emotions with science-based interventions and techniques, which can help you reconnect with your emotions. There are numerous types of therapies and interventions that you can choose from, so take the time to find one that works for you. References
Learn about the symptoms, causes, and experience of blunted affect. When somebody isn’t expressing themselves and their emotions in the ways we typically expect, we usually take notice. Although everybody has days when their emotions are higher or lower, people who are experiencing blunted affect stand out because they rarely or never express emotion. Affect is a word psychologists use for the expression of emotions, and blunted, in this case, means dulled, weakened, or slowed down. Typically, this means minimal demonstration of emotion through facial expressions, making less eye contact in conversation, using fewer gestures and other forms of body language to express emotion, and having a flat tone of voice (Padmanabhan & Keshavan, 2016). Psychologists and psychiatrists came up with the definition of blunted affect through careful observation of people experiencing mental health challenges. Specifically, we know from research that blunted affect is common in several groups of psychiatric disorders, including schizophrenia and its related disorders, bipolar disorder, depressive and anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, and autism spectrum disorder (Strauss & Cohen, 2017). Although blunted affect may look much the same on the outside, the experience of blunted effect on the inside looks different across these disorders. For some people, blunted affect reflects the fact that they are not experiencing much emotion—they feel numb or empty inside. Other people with blunted affect are experiencing a typical range of emotions, but they are unable to physically demonstrate those emotions in the ways we usually expect. On the outside, blunted affect may involve speech that is monotone or robotic, where the words you would expect to hear emphasized are not. A person with blunted affect will also respond without emotion to events that would evoke emotions in most people, such as learning that one received a promotion or that a loved one was in a car accident. People experiencing blunted affect say that it is even hard for them to force their faces into emotional expressions (Ekman, 2003; Gabay et al., 2015). As you might imagine, being on either side of the equation in a conversation where somebody has blunted affect can be difficult. Human connection relies on the ability to empathize, to feel not only our own emotions but also intuit and feel what others are feeling (Fredrickson, 2013). People with blunted affect have more difficulty doing this (Lee et al., 2014), making it harder for them to build and maintain relationships. What Causes Blunted Affect?Brain imaging studies have shown that the parts of the brain responsible for paying attention to emotions, recognizing facial expressions, and helping us empathize and imagine what other people are thinking, are functioning worse in people with blunted affect (Chuang et al., 2014; Stoodley & Schmahmann, 2010). These findings have led some scientists to believe that impairments in thinking (for example, not recognizing one’s own emotions) are one of the causes of blunted affect (Boden et al., 2021; Strauss & Cohen, 2017). Similarly, other research suggests that blunted affect may also be caused by people’s brains not recognizing cues of emotions, perhaps because their mirror neurons—the parts of our brain that make us feel what another person is feeling—are less active when they are interacting with other people (Lee et al., 2014). However, some research suggests that people with blunted affect only have trouble expressing emotion, not feeling it, which means they may recognize other people’s feelings but not be able to respond to them effectively (Aghevli et al., 2003). In summary, blunted affect is probably caused by a breakdown in the links between the parts of the brain involved in emotions and other parts of the brain, such as the prefrontal cortex (where thinking and decision-making primarily happen) and the motor cortex (which controls physical action). References
Learn how to reduce the impact of alexithymia on your life. All of us sometimes find ourselves at a loss for words, unable to describe our experience in the moment. When you receive unexpected news or have to make a decision with long-term consequences, for example, you may find it hard to say exactly what you’re feeling at the moment. While most of us have moments like these, there are some people who regularly have great difficulty tuning into their internal experience – what emotions and bodily sensations are happening for them. When someone constantly has difficulty identifying or describing their own emotions, they are experiencing alexithymia (Sifneos, 1973). The word alexithymia combines several words from the Greek language – for “no”, lexi for “words”, and thymia for “emotions” – and was created when a Greek doctor started to notice that many of his psychiatric clients had trouble describing their emotions (Sifneos, 1973). What does alexithymia look like? Many people with this condition have trouble explaining why they took certain actions. For example, if I am short-tempered with my partner, or yell at the car in front of me in traffic, I can usually (at least eventually!) identify an emotion by my actions – perhaps anger, or frustration – and an event that triggered the anger – perhaps an argument with a housemate or receiving bad news on the phone. By contrast, people with alexithymia may lash out at somebody but not be able to identify a reason why they yelled, or the feelings associated with it. In their mind, the event sort of just happened, and the connection between an earlier event or an emotion and their behavior is not clear to them. People with alexithymia are also less tuned in to other aspects of their internal experience; for example, they have fewer fantasies and less complex dreams and use their imaginations less than other people (Taylor et al., 1997). Since people with alexithymia are less aware of what’s going on in their own heads, they tend to see the world as being a place where they have little agency and things just happen to them (Taylor et al., 1997). Alexithymia in RelationshipsSimply put, communicating emotions, particularly positive ones, is essential to feeling close to another person (Floyd, 2006). People with alexithymia may avoid relationships because they are not sure how to relate, and then they have difficulty expressing important feelings when they do try to relate (Montebarocci et al., 2004; Qualter et al., 2009). The inability to recognize emotions often extends to other people’s emotions, too, making it hard to develop and maintain close relationships (Hesse & Gibbons, 2019; Humphreys et al., 2009). As a result, they have more difficulty keeping and building connections, especially romantic relationships (Eid & Boucher, 2012; Humphreys et al., 2009). You, like most people, have probably had moments when you thought, “It’s hard to tell my partner what I’m feeling!” The difference between those moments and the experience of people with alexithymia is that you likely knew what you were feeling but weren’t sure how to say it in an effective or tactful way. People with alexithymia, as much as they might want to communicate their feelings and participate in their relationship, struggle to identify and describe their feelings. What Causes Alexithymia?Alexithymia may be caused in part by genetics (Picardi et al., 2011). Alexithymia also seems to develop as a reaction to stressful or traumatic life events (Krystal, 1979; Zeitlin et al., 1993). For many people, these events happened in childhood, but they can happen at any life stage. People who develop alexithymia at an earlier age may have a harder time overcoming it, probably because their brains were still developing at the time, or the events happened again and again over many years (Freybarger, 1977). Let’s think about an example of each of these. Imagine a child growing up in a home where one or both parents rarely talk about emotions, display emotions, or respond effectively when the child shows emotion. Such a child would grow up with very few skills for understanding emotions. On the other hand, imagine that same child growing up in a household with an abusive parent who did not tolerate any displays of emotion, or a neglectful parent that did not meet their basic needs. As you can imagine, a child might cope with either environment by tuning out their emotions as much as possible. Although eliminating alexithymia is difficult and rare, many people have successfully reduced the severity of their alexithymia, improving their quality of life (Cameron et al., 2014). So while for most people with alexithymia, it will always be present for them to some degree, it is possible to overcome alexithymia in the sense of becoming more attuned to one’s emotions, able to connect with other people, and respond to emotions effectively. References
Discover some techniques to overcome sadness. Sadness is an emotional pain that can come from experiences such as losing a loved one, social rejection, or failing to reach a goal. But feeling sad is normal. Everyone has a bad day sometimes, and we all feel sadness at some point in our lives. Sadness is also a healthy emotion. Although it might not be the most comfortable emotion, sadness can help you solicit the social support you need, give you insight, and allow you to process life changes. If you feel sad, you might:
Depression is Different from SadnessAlthough we might use the words “sadness” and “depression” interchangeably and say things like “I’m so depressed today,” these experiences are different. Depression, or major depressive disorder, is a mental condition that negatively affects your daily functioning, has an impact on your body, and even alters your brain. Although feelings of sadness may be associated with depression, the difference between depression and sadness is not only about intensity or degree but also how it negatively affects the person’s life. Tips for Overcoming Sadness“The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality,” writes Andrew Solomon in The Noonday Demon, an atlas about depression. If you find yourself feeling sad for longer than usual or with a higher intensity than before, there are a few things you can do: Be aware.Gently ask yourself what is causing you these feelings. It may be work-related, about a friend, or even about something that you didn’t do as you promised. As sadness can also appear when you’re lonely, grieving, or feeling helpless, the first step to feeling better is to identify what caused you to be sad in the first place. Be sad.I know it can seem counterintuitive, but allowing yourself to feel the sadness you’re experiencing, giving it time and space, can be extremely beneficial. If you suppress or deny your emotions, it can lead to actual physical stress on your body and mental health issues. Cry if you feel like it or take a few hours to recharge. Studies echo what philosophers have been saying for decades: tears are cathartic, working like a purifying mechanism that helps you release stress and emotional pain (Newhouse, 2021). Be compassionate.If you validate your sadness, it can help you move through it. Be curious and compassionate about what makes you sad. Figure out what type of comforting you need—for example, you might want to talk to a friend or spend the evening alone and allow yourself to get the self-compassion you need (Hendel, 2020). Practice mindfulness.Mindfulness is all about being present in the moment without any judgment. This lack of judgment allows you to experience and work through the sadness more quickly. Connect.Loneliness and sadness go hand in hand. That’s why reaching out to friends or family might positively affect your mood and strengthen your social connections. Improve your sleep.Sleep and mood are strongly connected. Studies clearly show the significant relation between sleep and depressive symptoms (Nutt, Wilson & Paterson, 2008), so getting more sleep may help improve your sadness. References
Discover guidance for helping to overcome emotional numbness. Do you feel an all-encompassing sense of emptiness? Do you feel distant and cut off from other people? Have you lost interest in things that you used to enjoy? These feelings may describe emotional numbness, a state of generalized disconnection, disinterest, and detachment. Emotional numbness may limit your ability to both express and experience emotions and may cause you to feel disconnected from the world (Flack et al., 2000). These feelings can be present in many psychiatric conditions including depression, schizophrenia, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Emotional numbness is distinct from anhedonia, which is a loss or reduction in positive emotions like joy and pleasure. Emotional numbness affects a broad range of emotions including negative ones like fear and sadness (Eskelund et al., 2018). Emotional numbness may produce any of the following symptoms (Palyo et al., 2008):
In a numb state, you may only be able to experience intense emotions like anger and rage. These feelings may emerge at inappropriate times when you are unable to access other emotions. For example, psychiatrist and emotional numbness specialist Hillel Glover describes a persistently numb patient who was attending the funeral of a loved one. This patient exploded into a rage at the funeral, likely because he could not access his feelings of sadness, grief, and mourning. In an especially intense, explosive, and long-lasting rage, you may lose all feelings of care and concern for others and for the consequences of your actions. Afterward, you may become withdrawn and unresponsive for an extended period. You may even experience amnesia and be unable to recall the event. Emotional numbness may cause you to feel hollow, dead, shut down, or with an empty sense of not having any feelings (Litz & Gray, 2002). You may feel a profound sense of emotional withdrawal and a lack of relatedness to others. You may have difficulties falling asleep because lying still intensifies your feelings of “deadness”. These feelings may cause you to crave constant movement. You may self-medicate with alcohol or with illicit drugs to counteract this emptiness and to feel energetic and active. A feeling of profound numbness may cause you to feel that your body is transparent, that other people can literally see through you, or that you can walk through walls because your body has no physical substance. You may also feel disconnected from your own identity. You may wonder who you are. You may adapt to these feelings by creating a self-image or identity with clearly defined visual elements, such as “combat warrior” or “fashionista”. How to Deal with Emotional NumbnessSeveral therapeutic techniques may be effective in helping you overcome your emotional numbness. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is considered the gold standard in treatment for many of the conditions that underlie emotional numbness (Foa & Meadows, 1997). CBT includes a range of talking therapies that address the relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Effective CBT may be able to help you identify and address harmful and distorted thinking patterns such as those experienced in a hyperarousal state. CBT may also help you safely confront your fears and anxieties and overcome your emotional numbness. In the absence of systematic treatment under the guidance of a mental health professional, there may be other techniques and procedures that may help you cope with your feelings of emotional numbness. MindfulnessMindfulness is the ability to experience the present moment without judgment (Berceli & Napoli, 2006). When you are mindful, you accept and acknowledge all your thoughts and feelings, even the negative ones. Mindfulness training may decrease symptoms of both hyperarousal and emotional numbness (Stephenson et al., 2017). Being able to ground yourself in the here and now may help you reconnect with the world and overcome your feelings of numbness. Art or Art TherapyCreating artwork or participating in art therapy may help you create a coherent and comprehensible narrative of your emotional numbness and the conditions that may have led to it. You may find it very difficult to use words to express the upsetting emotions and memories that may underlie your emotional numbness. Visual forms of expression such as art may help you process these difficult and upsetting emotions and construct a coherent narrative of any underlying trauma (Collie et al., 2006). Resources
What distinguishes good positivity from bad positivity? Positivity involves things like gratitude, optimism, and positive reappraisal. You may have heard that positivity is good for well-being. On the flip side, maybe you’ve felt annoyed, angry, or uncomfortable when positivity was forced on you. Indeed, positivity can be good for well-being...if we’re not using it to avoid or suppress negative emotions. Then, it can become toxic. Toxic positivity is defined as the act of rejecting or denying stress, negativity, or other negative experiences that exist (Sokal, Trudel, & Babb, 2020). It can sometimes be difficult to distinguish positivity from toxic positivity. For example, if someone tells us, “Hey, look at the bright side,” we might feel like they are diminishing or denying our negative feelings. Because negative emotions are tools we use to get important needs met, we don’t just want to be shoving them away without acknowledgement. So, seemingly positive advice from friends can often feel like toxic positivity to the person receiving it. Here are a few more examples of toxic positivity:
In these examples, someone is using positivity to get rid of our true or negative experiences. On the other hand, say a friend tells us, “Hey, it’s okay not to be okay.” This shows acceptance of our negative emotions as well as compassion and gratitude. This approach is not toxic because it doesn't deny our emotions and force us to feel something we don’t want to feel. When Does Positivity Become Toxic?1. One study showed that looking for silver linings is only beneficial in uncontrollable contexts. For example, if we lose our job, we might benefit from thinking about our future opportunities. But if we try to use positive reappraisal in controllable situations—or situations that we could change—we might be worse off (Troy, Shallcross, & Mauss, 2013). 2. Some research suggests that it is inappropriate to use positivity (positive reappraisal) when our identities are being threatened. For example, when people experience racial oppression, looking for silver linings appears to lead to worse well-being (Perez & Soto, 2011). 3. If people encourage us to use a specific emotion regulation skill that we’re not good at, it could leave us worse off. And for many people, positivity can be a difficult skill to develop and implement. So, if you’re not good at being positive, optimistic, or reflecting on your situation to find the silver lining, it could be bad for you (Ford & Troy, 2019). 4. Most people think of positive emotion as a good thing, and more is better, right? Well, it turns out that too much positive emotion may be a bad thing. Too much positive emotion has been shown to be a risk factor for mania (Gruber, Johnson, Oveis, & Keltner, 2008). So, too much positive emotion can be a bad thing. 5. Being obsessed with happiness and focusing excessively on getting happy has also been shown to be bad for well-being (Ford & Mauss, 2014). It’s thought that this may create a discrepancy between how we feel now and how we want to feel. Indeed, having ultra-high expectations for happiness tends to be bad for our mental health. In SumToxic positivity can be tricky. The benefits of positivity are very real and impactful, but at the same time, it can be easy to get positivity wrong. Hopefully, the guidance here will help you take what you can from the field of positivity psychology while still being able to prevent positivity from becoming toxic. References
Learn why suppressing your thoughts and emotions can make you feel worse. When we suppress thoughts and emotions, we push them out of conscious awareness. When we do this, we hope that the thoughts and emotions will go away and no longer affect us in any way. Unfortunately, the human brain doesn’t work like that. Instead, suppression may amplify our negative experiences. This effect was shown with the classic “white bear” study. In the study, people were told NOT to think of a white bear. Simply being told not to think about a white bear—to suppress these thoughts—led these people to think of white bears far more frequently (Wegner, Schneider, Carter, & White, 1987). This research helped us see that suppression is an ineffective way to decrease negative thoughts and emotions. The Impacts of SuppressionOverall, research on suppression has found that it tends to result in three effects:
An alternative hypothesis is that when we suppress a thought, we label it in our brains as bad. Unfortunately, our brains have unconscious processes that help us keep an eye out for “bad things”. So, our brain may try to keep these things in mind (Wenzlaff & Wegner, 2000). How to Deal with SuppressionWrite about your feelings.Research suggests that writing about your feelings may be an effective way to process those feelings more quickly and move past them (Rude, Mazzetti, Pal, & Stauble, 2011). Practice acceptance.Accepting emotions may help decrease them more quickly (Rude, Mazzetti, Pal, & Stauble, 2011). Acceptance may also be helpful for calming anxiety or panic. Try cognitive reappraisal.Research on emotion regulation often contrasts suppression with reappraisal—reappraisal wins as the more effective strategy. Reappraisal often involves thinking about the potential positive outcomes of your situation or how grateful you are that the situation isn’t worse. Exercise.If you're having a hard time with some negative thoughts or emotions, doing vigorous exercise may be helpful. If your body and brain are forced to use resources elsewhere (to do the exercise), this seems to help distract the mind more easily. In SumSuppression is a common response to the experience of unpleasant or unwanted emotions. But it’s not an ideal response. Learning to stop using suppression and instead use healthier emotion management strategies is key to helping us respond to our negative emotions more effectively. References
Learn about dysregulated emotions and get a better understanding of how they can hurt well-being. Do you have a hard time regulating (or managing) your emotions? Do you wonder what's going on when your emotions feel dysregulated (or out of control)? The American Psychological Association (APA) defines dysregulation as “any excessive or otherwise poorly managed mechanism or response” (dictionary.apa.org). In the field of psychology, a commonly studied type of dysregulation is emotion dysregulation, which has been shown to negatively impact well-being. Different emotions come and go throughout any given day. Experiencing emotions (even negative ones) is not a problem in and of itself. However, if emotions become overwhelming or out of control, they no longer help us and may then actively harm our well-being. What is Emotion Dysregulation?Emotional dysregulation is a complex collection of processes that are thought to include the following four main aspects (Gratz & Roemer, 2004):
Emotion Dysregulation DisordersThe extent to which individuals can regulate their emotions exists on a spectrum - no one’s emotions are always regulated or dysregulated. However, one exhibits more extreme emotion dysregulation, they may be diagnosed with a mental health disorder. Here are some disorders that often involve emotion dysregulation: Depression, anxiety disorders, panic disorder, and borderline personality disorder. These disorders may involve poor mental emotion regulation strategies (e.g., rumination, avoidance, etc.…), but they may also involve dysregulated behaviors (e.g., self-harm, substance abuse, binge eating, etc.…). These behaviors are thought to be unhealthy strategies that are used to regulate emotions. So, they are often included in the definition of emotion dysregulation. Tips for Healthier Emotion RegulationEven if you don’t have an emotion dysregulation disorder, we can all benefit from learning healthy emotion regulation strategies. Here are a few: Deep BreathingWhen we are anxious, our breathing becomes quicker and shallower. Research has shown that deliberately deepening and slowing the breath can improve mood (Jerath et al., 2015). YogaYoga combines physical movement with mindful awareness. AcceptanceIf you’re feeling sad, for example, it can be helpful to remember that sadness is a normal emotion that everyone has. This can help you judge yourself less for the emotions you have. AwarenessCultivating awareness of your inner experience can help you recognize when and why you feel certain ways. In SumIt’s normal for our emotions to fluctuate but if you find yourself struggling with frequent strong emotions that you can’t seem to manage, you might be experiencing emotional dysregulation. The good news is that there are effective ways to help regulate your emotions, including the tips discussed here. References
3 skills that can help people learn to better control their anger. Anger is a strong negative emotion that arises because of what we perceive to be a threat or unfair treatment that blocks our goals. So, some psychologists propose that anger is simply our response when our "approach motivation"—or pursuit of good things—is blocked (Carver & Harmon-Jones, 2009). Anger is usually directed at others, includes increased physiological activation, and involves changes in our thought processes. Although anger is a negative emotion, historical records suggest that it is normal to get at least mildly angry a few times per day to a few times per week (Berkowitz & Harmon-Jones, 2004). That leaves us with a lot of anger floating around. So how do we manage it? The Importance of Managing AngerMany negative emotions—emotions like sadness, shame, or fear—make us want to run and hide. But not anger. Anger makes us want to approach—to fight or confront our enemies. That makes anger a unique negative emotion. It's important that we manage it so that we don't over-express our anger, but we also have to be careful not to suppress our anger, as that can be bad for us too. Anger appears to be most beneficial when managed and expressed in a controlled, positive manner. Anger emotions to manage might include:
Managing Anger OutWhen we think of a cartoon character with a bright red face and steam shooting out of his ears, we are thinking of "anger out." This type of anger is expressed outwardly. Anger out can lead to challenges in personal relationships and at work. Who wants to be around someone who is yelling and irritable all the time? Anger management may be needed when anger is too frequent, too intense, too prolonged, or managed ineffectively. Managing Anger InWhen we think about managing anger, we don't usually think about the people who suppress anger. Even if they are fuming from being poked, prodded, and tormented, they don't respond with anger. Anger suppression, or "anger in," can also have negative consequences. "Anger in" is related to increased hypertension while anger out is not (Hosseini et al., 2011). What Triggers Anger?Research suggests that an attitude of hostility, resentment, and suspiciousness may be related to increased anger (Fives, Kong, Fuller, & DiGiuseppe, 2011). Two other cognitions that lead to anger include awfulizing—or imagining a situation to be as bad as it can possibly be—and low frustration tolerance (Martin & Dahlen, 2004). Another study among women found that anger was most often triggered by violations of personal values, feelings of powerlessness, and disrespectful treatment. The researchers suggested that women often feel anger when they want something to change but are unable to make it so or even get people to listen to them. But in this study, women were able to regain a sense of power when using anger to restore justice, respect, and relationship reciprocity (Thomas, Smucker, & Droppleman, 1998). Anger Management TrainingAnger management is generally taught in the classroom. The goal is to share information, provide new perspectives, and help people practice anger management strategies. This approach provides the backdrop to help people empathize, provide feedback, and role-play conflicts. To manage anger, we are likely each benefit from different strategies. For example, those who express their anger too much may need to develop cognitive skills for reframing their experiences and regulating their emotions. On the flip side, those who suppress their anger may need to learn how to communicate their anger more directly. Techniques for Managing Anger1. Keep an Anger JournalJournaling may help you better understand where your anger comes from and the thought processes that spiral it out of control. So, in your journal, try to explore what it is exactly that is triggering your anger. What thoughts are you having? What emotions are you having? What could you do to resolve your anger? 2. Manage Angry ThoughtsTry reframing your anger in ways that help you change the things that are bothering you. 3. Speak Up for YourselfPractice being assertive, negotiating for yourself, and setting boundaries to reduce feelings of powerlessness. In SumAnger can be an intense emotion, but it can also be managed. Hopefully, these tips will help you move in the right direction. References
Discover science-based ways to love yourself more. Have you ever struggled to love yourself? If so, you’re not alone. When we love ourselves, we have an appreciation for our own worth or value. We don’t need affirmation from others and we don’t need them to tell us that we are good enough, smart enough, attractive enough—we simply know. As a result, we tend to have higher levels of self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence. When we don’t love ourselves, we have more negative feelings and self-focused emotions. For example, we may feel:
Why Loving Yourself is ImportantIf you don’t love yourself, you might be more critical of yourself. You might engage in behaviors like negative self-talk—for example, “I’m worthless”, “I could never succeed at this”, or “I’m not smart enough”. These thought patterns can generate feelings of anxiety, sadness, or hopelessness. On the flip side, studies have shown that having positive feelings about yourself may be a crucial ingredient for happiness, success, and popularity (Crocker, & Knight, 2005). So self-love may be key to living a good life. Luckily, self-love is something we can improve over time. How to Love YourselfAlthough increasing our self-esteem and learning to love ourselves is not the easiest thing to do, we do have the power to increase the number of positive feelings we have about ourselves. There are many science-backed strategies that you can use to start loving yourself more. But keep in mind that these may be hard at first. You may not feel comfortable treating yourself with the level of kindness and respect you deserve. So, take your time and ease into self-love strategies slowly if you need to. Here are some ways to get started: 1. Be Self-CompassionateSelf-compassion involves being compassionate (showing sympathy and concern) towards yourself. According to self-compassion expert, Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion includes self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness (Neff, 2003). 2. Practice Loving Kindness Towards Yourself and OthersLoving-kindness meditation is a type of meditation that is used to help cultivate unconditional kind attitudes toward ourselves and others. It involves repeating phrases, such as “may you be happy” or “may you be free from suffering” toward specific others and yourself (Zeng et al., 2015). To start loving yourself more, focus especially on the part of the meditation that has you imagine love coming towards you. 3. Forgive YourselfA study showed that adults who completed six-weeks of forgiveness training reported lower stress, anger, and hurt than people who didn’t undergo the training (Harris, et al., 2006). They also felt more optimism immediately after the training and four months later. 4. Practice Self-GratitudeOne type of gratitude involves feeling grateful for who we are and the things we’ve done. For example, we might tell ourselves “Thanks" for taking care of our health. Or we might give ourselves a pat on the back for making someone else smile. Or, we might be grateful for our cute cheeks, our calm demeanor, our ability to cook the best cookies. So, try taking a moment each day to notice the things about yourself that you’re grateful for. 5. Show Yourself That You Love YourselfTaking actions to show ourselves that we love ourselves is super important. It’s just like if we were in a relationship. Our partner might say they love us, but if they don’t show us, then we might not believe them. So, show yourself that “you love you”. You might do this by taking the afternoon off from work, buying yourself something that helps you achieve your goals, or standing up for yourself against a workplace bully. Any kind action you take that shows self-love can help you start to see that you love yourself. In SumMany of us struggle to just love ourselves for who really are. Luckily, we can do things to build up this love and create a life where we’re truly happy. Hopefully, these ideas will help you get started. References
Here we'll talk about letting go so we can move on from relationships, people, and unhealthy emotions. It's human nature to fight for things that matter to us. We might long for the past, wish that someone we love hadn't left us, or hold onto anger from the times that we were treated unfairly. But holding onto things and people that we can no longer have isn't good for us. It keeps us stuck in memories of our past and prevents us from noticing and appreciating what we have now. So, let’s talk about how to let go of all the things that we tend to cling to—the past, anger, love, fear, and more. Why is it So Hard to Let Go?We humans really like to cling to things, even things that we know are bad for us. One reason is likely because the more we feel like we know ourselves, the more we like ourselves (Baumgardner, 1990). If we already know ourselves as someone who's in a relationship with a certain person, we might not know ourselves as well if that relationship ends. Or, if we quit a job—even a job we hate—who will we be then? Knowing ourselves is such an important part of our well-being that letting go of something central to the way we see ourselves can be scary. We are uncertain of who we'll be or how we'll feel. And as a result, we can get stuck, clinging to both good and bad things in our lives, afraid to let go. The thing we probably have the hardest time letting go of is the past. We might be going through something challenging and wish for “the good ol’ days”. We might long for someone we loved to be in our lives again, miss a good friend that we drifted away from, or even wish an important person was still alive and with us today. Tips to Help You Let go1. Expect the BestWhen letting go, try to think about the good things to come and expect the best. If we expect to fail, we are more likely to fail (Bénabou & Tirole, 2002). 2. Let Go of BlameWhen we blame someone, we make assumptions about the intentions behind what they've done (Malle, Guglielmo, & Monroe, 2014). Maybe we think they were intentionally cruel to us with the goal of hurting us. But wishing that the other person acted differently does us no good. Instead, we’re better served by thinking about how we might act differently to get what we want in the future. 3. Practice Self-CompassionPracticing self-compassion can be a useful tool to help heal wounds and move forward effectively. So, try to be kind to yourself, forgive yourself for any mistakes, and accept your needs as they are. 4. Look for Silver LiningsWhen we get stuck in fear, we often only see the potential bad outcomes without looking for what could turn out good. Try to shift your mindset to let go of fear or anxiety and replace it with hope or optimism. 5. Try JournalingI don't know about you, but I'll often hold onto fear just because I don't want to forget all the things I "think" that I need to be worried about. I can't relax knowing that things are up ahead and that I might not be prepared enough. That's why daily journaling can be a big help. Consider writing down a list of things to let go of. Once they are down on paper, commit to letting go of them in your head. You can always go back and look at them if you feel you need to, but the interesting thing is that you often don't—writing them down gets them out of your mind. In SumLetting go is a surprisingly hard mental challenge. It takes time and practice to get good at it. Hopefully, some of the suggestions in this article will help you to let go and move on with your life in ways that make you happier. References
Learn about emotional intelligence and how to develop this important skill. Emotional intelligence is a type of intelligence that is defined as an ability to monitor and regulate one’s own and others’ emotions and to use emotions to facilitate one’s thoughts and actions (Brackett, Rivers, & Salovey, 2011). Emotional intelligence is often referred to as emotional quotient, or EQ (kind of like the emotional version of IQ). What are the dimensions of emotional intelligence?
What are the skills that make up emotional intelligence?Just like other types of intelligence, you can grow your emotional intelligence. You can build your emotional skills and engage in emotion activities that help you better understand and work with your and others' emotions. Here are some examples of skills you can build to increase your emotional intelligence.
1. Self-Awareness
2. Self-Management
3. Social-Awareness
4. Relationship Management
Building any or all these skills can help boost emotional intelligence. Benefits of Emotional IntelligenceEmotional intelligence is linked to important positive outcomes including:
In SumEmotional intelligence is an important set of skills that improve the quality of your life. And good news! These skills can be built, even as an adult. So go ahead and start boosting your emotional intelligence. Reference
Learn about the science of shame to understand where it comes from and how to deal with it. Shame is a self-conscious emotion that arises from the sense that something is fundamentally wrong with, oneself. When we have shame, we often feel inadequate and full of self-doubt, but these experiences may be outside of our conscious awareness. That makes shame hard to identify and deal with. Unsurprisingly, shame has been linked to depression and other negative emotions including anger, suspiciousness, inferiority, helplessness, and self-consciousness, interpersonal anxiety, and submissive responses to anger (Goss, Gilbert, & Allan, 1994; Lewis, 2004). State Shame versus Trait Shame‘State shame’ is when we have a momentary experience of shame in response to an event. We all experience this type of shame sometimes, perhaps when being bullied, ridiculed, or judged. ‘Trait shame’ acts more like a personality trait. We carry it with us wherever we go. We may feel state shame more often or we may just feel a little ashamed of ourselves all the time. Both types of shame are different from guilt. Guilt arises because of some action we took (or did not take). We may feel regret over having done something bad. Guilt motivates us to change our behavior so that we don't have to feel this way again. Shame, on the other hand, arises because of negative evaluations from others, even if we have nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about (Lewis, 1995). As a result, we don't feel that what we did is bad. We feel that we, as an individual, are bad. As a result, we may feel small, worthless, or powerless. Since changing our behavior doesn’t help us reduce shame, it can lead us to hide or retreat from others (Tangney, Wagner, & Gramzow, 1992). Over time, shame can lead to something called the 'internalized other'—or a belief that someone (or everyone) disapproves of us. We may then hold negative evaluations of ourselves through the eyes of others. That is, we might have positive views of ourselves but still believe that others have negative views about us. If a kid ridicules us on the playground (or even if an adult teases us at work), we might experience 'state (or momentary) shame'. But if we experience ridicule often enough, the shame starts to internalize—it starts to become a part of us. This is when we might start to develop 'trait shame'. What Leads to Shame?There are a million different experiences that might lead to shame. In fact, researchers argue it could come from any experience where we compare ourselves to our standards for ourselves. However, researchers suggest that shame often arises from a sense of scrutiny or ridicule from other people who are more powerful than us. Specifically, parents who withdraw their love or express contempt or disgust towards their child increase the experience of shame in that child (Lewis, 1995) In each situation, we might experience shame after unconsciously asking ourselves a series of questions:
Tips to Dealing with Shame1. Identify Your ShameGiven shame can be largely unconscious, identifying and labeling shame appears to be a key component in resolving it (Scheff, 2003). This tends to be true for emotions, in general, since labeling emotions helps us better understand ourselves, our experiences, and related behaviors (Beck, 2011). So, to start, name your shame. You don't have to share this with anyone else. Just write down, "I felt shame when..." Describe a few times when you felt shame. It might hurt to acknowledge it, but once you do, you can start to resolve these emotions. 2. Practice Self-CompassionSelf-compassion is another useful tool for helping us improve our self-views and combat our inner self-critic. But self-compassion is a tool that's used to view ourselves positively through our own eyes. Given that shame involves having negative views of the self through others' eyes, I suggest a modified approach to self-compassion. To cultivate this type of self-compassion, write a self-compassionate letter to yourself, but imagine writing it from the point of view of someone who is more powerful than you. It could be from a boss, a parent, a teacher, someone who shamed you in the past, or just an imaginary person. In the letter, make sure their message is kind, supportive, and compassionate. Share words of validation like, "You are a good person worthy of love and success." 3. Try Loving-Kindness MeditationLoving-kindness meditation is a kind of meditation that has been shown in research to increase positive emotions (Fredrickson et al., 2008). In this meditation, you alternate between imagining giving love out to others and receiving it back. To try to undo shame-focused messages from your past, try to imagine giving love out to those who shamed you and then imagine them giving you love back. You might imagine them saying to you, "I wish you all the health and happiness you desire." In SumShame is a complicated negative emotion. Luckily, if we can start working with it, we can hopefully start improving reducing shame and improving our well-being. References
Discover the science behind regret and how to deal with regrets in your life. Have you ever done something, said something, or not done something that you regret? You’re not alone. Everyone has regrets about things in life. The question is, what can we do about it? How do we live a life with fewer regrets and how do we deal with the regrets we already have? In this article, we’ll explore these questions. But first, let’s define regret. Regret is a self-focused negative emotion about something that has happened or been done by us. We feel bad because we did or didn’t do something we believe we should or shouldn't have done. Given regret involves acknowledging our role in our present circumstances, it also often includes self-blame (Roese & Summerville, 2005). The opposite of regret may involve a feeling of remorselessness and satisfaction over having made the right decision for us. Maybe the airplane we were supposed to get on crashes, and we feel an overwhelming sense that the decision we made not to fly was correct. Or maybe we break up with our romantic partner and quickly meet the love of our life. In these situations, we see how our past actions led us to the positive place we are at now. What Leads to Regret?A recent meta-analytic study aimed to look across several studies on regret to see what the most common causes of regret are. The research showed that Americans’ six biggest regrets involve: education, career, romance, parenting, self-improvement, and leisure. Less frequently reported regrets included: finance, family, health, friends, spirituality, and community (Roese & Summerville, 2005). Examples of common regrets are:
2 Key Things That Lead to Regret1. OpportunityIronically, the more opportunity one experiences, the greater chance for regret. If opportunities are denied or out of reach, we may experience anger or frustration, but we don’t usually experience regret. On the flip side, when we are given opportunities, it’s up to us to take advantage of these opportunities (or not). Researchers speculate that this is the reason why education is something many people regret—we can always go back to school, so it’s easy to regret not doing it (Roese & Summerville, 2005). 2. More optionsIn another ironic twist, more options often lead to more regret. Instead of enjoying the things that we have, we are aware that there are many other options that we didn’t choose, and this gives us more chances for regret. This paradox of excessive choice makes us less happy and more regret prone (Roese & Summerville, 2005). What Do We Regret?The research shows that action (versus inaction) produces more regret in the short term. For example, we might feel regret for saying something embarrassing or agreeing to do an annoying task for someone else. But these experiences of regret pass rather quickly (Gilovich & Medvec, 1994). The things we’re most likely to regret are the things we didn’t do. Regrets of inaction are stronger and persist longer than regrets of action. So if we feel we “should have taken that trip”, “should have asked this person out”, “should have gone to college”, these regrets likely last longer than regrets of having done something we might rather have not done—things like we “shouldn’t have come to this party”, “shouldn't have taken this job”, “shouldn’t have gone a date with this person” (Roese & Summerville, 2005; Gilovich & Medvec, 1994). What is the Purpose of Regret?Regret motivates us to correct our behavior (so that we don’t have to feel this negative emotion anymore). But it seems that we may be more willing to correct our regrettable actions than our regrettable inactions. When we’ve made a bad decision, we’re already acting, and researchers suggest it may be easier to change course once already in motion. Perhaps therefore many of us correct past mistakes (e.g., by getting a divorce, quitting a job, removing ourselves from an unrewarding friendship) but we find it more difficult to take that first step towards changing our lives in positive ways (Gilovich & Medvec, 1994). How to Deal with RegretHere are a few tips to reduce regret in life: Practice acceptance.Accepting negative emotions like regret may help decrease these negative emotions (Shallcross, Troy, Boland, & Mauss, 2010). Map past regrets to future action.Consider taking some time to make a list of your regrets—both actions and inactions. For each one, note down anything you’ve done to correct your behavior and reduce the likelihood of future regrets like this emerging. Ask yourself, "Will I regret it?"Before deciding to do something or not to do something, see if you can figure out which one decision is more likely to result in regret. Based on the research, it seems that not doing something is usually the more regrettable action. So, say “Yes!” to life as often as you can. In SumRegret is a common emotion that occurs when our behavior results in undesirable outcomes. Given regret is a natural, normal, and even healthy response that helps us change our behavior, we are best served by learning to work with regret and use it to help us change our lives in the ways we desire. References
Learn about digital well-being and how to boost your own. Although people define digital well-being in different ways, digital well-being generally is thought to be the extent to which our digital lives help or hurt our well-being. So, digital well-being can involve the physical tools we use to manage the amount of time we spend online, the behaviors we decide to engage in while online, and the emotional tools we use to manage our experiences online. Physical Tools for Digital Well-BeingGoogle's Digital Well-Being App is one tool that can help people better understand how they spend their time online and how to disconnect more often. It shows you how often you use different apps, how often you check your phone, and it allows you to set limits that can help protect your sleep and focus. Knowing your current digital habits is a good step in understanding yourself. And setting limits can indeed be helpful for well-being. But if a digital well-being tools' primary purpose is to help us be on our phone less, this means that it has an inherent assumption that more digital interactions lead to worse well-being. And the research doesn’t quite support this assumption. Although movies like The Social Dilemma point to clear problems with the ways in which Internet apps are being developed, these leave out important information that can help you better improve your digital well-being. Indeed, app designers are trained in psychological techniques that get users addicted and reliant upon these apps for a sense of connectedness, emotion regulation, and just surviving in the modern world. This can be especially problematic for those prone to addictions and can significantly hurt the well-being of some people. But the research shows that some apps improve well-being for some people, and in some circumstances. In fact, Hopelab published a fascinating study showing that youth who suffer from depression benefited from accessing other people’s health stories through blogs, podcasts, and videos. Overall, research reviews suggest that technology use is not bad for all and not bad in all circumstances. Behavioral Tools for Digital Well-BeingGiven the research, behavioral and emotional tools are likely also useful for enhancing digital well-being. In other words, we need to choose to avoid apps or experiences that make us feel bad and instead choose to engage with apps and experiences that make us feel good. If Google's Well-Being App helped us understand how different apps affected our well-being, that would be a far more effective tool. But for now, we'll have to make use of the information out there, be introspective, and self-reflect on how our digital time is spent, and make the right decisions for us. Emotional Tools for Digital Well-BeingMany of the emotional tools we need for digital well-being are the very same emotional tools we need for real life. We just need to apply them in our digital lives. Here are some specific tips: 1. Be More MindfulWhen we're more mindful of how we live our digital lives, we pay more attention to our experiences and emotions, and to others. This heightened awareness can help us make decisions that help us better appreciate the good and manage the bad. 2. Focus on OthersWhen we are on social media, we tend to focus mostly on ourselves—our feelings, opinions, and experiences. But heightened self-focus can amplify negativity. The research shows that other-focus and prosocial behavior (kindness towards others) are fantastic ways to boost well-being. So, when you're online, try to focus more on doing activities that are kind. 3. Find the Good ThingsWhile online, try to look for the good things or the silver linings. If you find something positive, consider sharing it with others (#SilverLinings). Practicing this skill both on and offline can help you improve your well-being. 4. Practice Gratitude OnlineGratitude is fantastic for well-being. And we can practice it both on and offline. Practice gratitude with gratitude journaling apps, share your gratitude in texts, or create a gratitude collection on Pinterest. Our digital lives are a great place to practice gratitude. 5. Cultivate Self-EsteemThe messages people post on social media can sometimes make us feel bad about ourselves. Maybe we don't feel attractive enough or popular enough. To fight these negative messages, try to spend more of your digital life doing things that boost self-esteem (like learning skills or making content) and less time pouring over what everyone else is doing. In SumDigital well-being is now an important part of overall well-being. Knowing how to improve it and taking action to improve digital well-being is essential. References
Here we’ll explore the benefits of acceptance and learn how to do it more often. We all have a general sense of what it means to “accept” something. There are many aspects of life that we could simply “accept” - financial circumstances, unhealthy relationships, unfulfilling jobs, etc. However, in psychology, acceptance means “taking a stance of non-judgmental awareness and actively embracing the experience of thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations as they occur” (Hayes et al., 2004). One of the key ideas underlying acceptance is that difficult emotions are an inescapable part of life: at different times we will find ourselves sad, angry, disappointed, bored, frustrated, grieving, heartbroken, etc... No one, even the most even-keeled individual, is free of these emotions. When these emotions inevitably do arise, there are two ways that we can react: resistance or acceptance. For many of us, resistance is our default reaction. After all, these emotions are not necessarily “pleasant” to experience. But psychologists have found that trying to resist or avoid certain difficult experiences can cause further psychological harm (Hayes et al., 2006). Why Acceptance Is ImportantExperts suggest that acceptance is the healthier option. For example, Tara Brach writes, “believing that something is wrong with us is a deep and tenacious suffering” (2004). Your experience of yourself consists largely of your emotions, thoughts, and actions, and so learning to accept these (even when they seem difficult or undesirable) is a helpful tool for well-being. To be more accepting, it can be helpful to reflect on your habitual attitude towards yourself. Ask yourself:
How To Be More Accepting1. Cultivate acceptance by noticing your resistance.How do you tend to resist your experience? Do you snack to stave off boredom, or binge TV when you are sad? Most of the ways we resist our experiences are unconscious—we do not always understand why we do certain things at certain times. So, resistance can become habitual. The first step towards changing any habit is simply becoming aware of its existence. 2. Cultivate acceptance by questioning your patterns.Once you have started to notice when and how you resist your experiences, try to dig a little deeper to consider why these patterns might exist. When you were sad or angry as a child, how did the adults in your life react? Did they allow you to work through these emotions, or did they (perhaps with the best intentions) tell you to put on a brave face or stop throwing a tantrum? Do you think these experiences might have influenced the way you process emotions today? It might be helpful to write out some of these reflections to remind yourself of your habitual patterns. It can also be a good opportunity for self-acceptance in that you can see those formative experiences, outside of your control, may have shaped your current patterns. The good news is that any pattern is open to change, if you are aware of it. 3. Cultivate acceptance by being mindful.So how can we even become aware of our habitual patterns? One way is with mindfulness. Mindfulness involves both awareness and acceptance of our experience. A traditional method of practicing mindfulness is through meditation, which involves dedicating a period to simply observing experience nonjudgmentally. However, you can bring mindful moments into your everyday life, even without meditating. 4. Cultivate acceptance by thinking of your inner child.We are often our own harshest critics. Accepting ourselves can be difficult because we are most likely so used to judging ourselves for thinking, feeling, and acting certain ways. It is rare that you would judge a loved one as harshly as you judge yourself. One helpful technique in the meantime is to think about yourself as a child. This can help remind you of your most innocent and vulnerable self, which may make it easier to be gentle and understanding when your experience is difficult. 5. Cultivate acceptance through practice.Acceptance is just like any other skill: it takes practice. People who are accepting of themselves and others have made acceptance a mental habit by continuously choosing a more accepting mindset repeatedly. After a while, these repeated mental choices become habitual and natural and do not require as much effort. So, next time you find yourself struggling with difficult emotions, try to use this as an opportunity to practice acceptance. In SumRemember, acceptance is not the same as resignation. Acceptance refers to acknowledging and allowing your present experience - not necessarily your life situation. Through awareness and practice, you can increase acceptance in your own life and enjoy the benefits that it may bring. References
What are positive emotions? What are the theories behind positive emotions? And what are some examples of positive emotions? Learn all about positive emotions here. Positive emotions are one of the most enjoyable parts of being alive. But what exactly are positive emotions? What effect do they have on our lives? And how can we experience more of them? In this article, we'll dive into positive emotions to learn more about them. What are Positive Emotions?Positive emotions can be defined as pleasant multicomponent response tendencies. They are multicomponent because they involve more than just our internal feelings; they also include changes in our nervous system, hormones, facial expressions, thoughts, and more (Fredrickson & Cohn, 2008). Positive emotion is different than sensory pleasure (which is more about sexual pleasure, satisfying hunger and thirst, or remedying pain). Positive emotion is also different from positive mood (although they overlap). Compared to moods, positive emotions generally arise because of some experience, they are short-lived, and they are closer to the forefront of our consciousness (Fredrickson & Cohn, 2008). Positive emotions exist on a continuum with negative emotions on one end and positive emotions on the other (Fredrickson & Cohn, 2008). However, the words we use to describe positive emotions generally lead us to think that positive emotions are discrete entities, separate from negative emotions. For example, “happy” and “sad” might be on the two ends of one continuum but we think of them as different things. Positive emotions can also be either high-energy (e.g., excitement, joy) or low-energy (e.g., calm, content). The Benefits of Positive EmotionPositive emotions have been shown in research to contribute to all sorts of positive outcomes including longevity, improved immune function, less pain, and of course, improved well-being (Fredrickson & Cohn, 2008). Positive emotions may even be considered synonymous with happiness (but happiness may also include things like meaning or purpose). Being able to identify a variety of emotions—also known as emotional granularity—can also be good for our well-being. So here are some examples of positive emotions according to the emotion circumplex theory (Russell, 1980).
More on Positive EmotionsUp until recently, research in psychology has mostly focused on negative emotions. That has made our understanding of positive emotions rather shallow or incomplete. For example, we think of negative emotions as discrete--sadness is different from anger and anger is different from anxiety. But when it comes to positive emotions, we kind of lump them all together—joy, and contentment, and happiness are all kind of the same in our minds. Recently, however, psychology researchers have helped provide better clarity about the difference between positive emotions. Barbara Fredrickson, a leader of psychology research on positive emotion, offers us some insight into the differences between the key positive emotions of joy, interest, contentment, and love (Fredrickson, 1998). Joy ~ happiness, amusement, exhilarationJoy arises in situations that are safe, familiar, and low effort. Experiencing joy is thought to result in a state referred to as 'free-activation'—or basically a readiness to engage in whatever comes—and it leads to a desire to play. As adults, playing may mean reading, using our imagination, or doing other creative activities. Joyful play can also help us build our social and emotional skills (Fredrickson, 1998). Interest ~ curiosity, excitement, wonder, flowInterest arises in situations that offer novelty, change, and a sense of possibility. Interest also involves a sense that something is important and that we ought to pay attention and exert effort. Interest is thought to lead to exploration and the development of knowledge and personal growth (Fredrickson, 1998). Contentment ~ tranquility, serenity, reliefContentment arises in safe situations with a high degree of certainty and a low degree of effort. Some people suggest that contentment leads us to savor our circumstances and experience a sense of 'oneness with the world. In other words, it results in a mindful broadening of a person's self-views and world views (Fredrickson, 1998). Love ~romantic love, companionate love, caregiver loveBarbara Fredrickson (1998) argues that love merges joy, interest, and contentment. More specifically, our loved ones stimulate experiences that lead to these other positive emotions. That means that love can lead us to be playful, grow personally, and broaden our worldview. Based on Dr. Fredrickson's understanding of joy, interest, contentment, and love, she then proposed that positive emotions have something in common: They broaden our thoughts and actions and build personal, social, and intellectual resources. Over time, this may lead to an upward spiral of positive emotion. This theory is now known as the broaden and build theory of positive emotions (Fredrickson, 1998). This theory suggests increasing positive emotions is not only good for mental health, but also just about everything we might want including health, success, and satisfying relationships. References
What is emotion and why does it matter? Here we look at topics related to emotion to get to know it better. Emotions are also a key ingredient in well-being. It's hard to imagine well-being without happiness. And emotions like sadness and anxiety can make well-being more difficult to achieve. So, let's learn more about emotions and how they work. Emotions versus MoodEmotions differ from moods in that emotions typically last minutes to seconds whereas moods can last hours or days. So, if we said, "I'm feeling down", that's referring to a mood. But if we say, "I'm sad that Mark didn't show up to dinner," we're referring to an emotion. Of course, emotions can contribute to moods and moods can contribute to emotions, so they generally overlap. Emotions versus ThoughtsWe know that thoughts and emotions are different things, but they overlap quite a bit. For example, we can't experience an emotion like regret without evaluating something that we've done (i.e., thinking about it) and making a judgment about our actions. Many emotions work this way in that they would not exist if not for the thoughts that created them. In addition, many of the words we use to describe our experiences are a mixture of thoughts and emotions. For example, words like brooding, resentful, or disturbed represent a combination of thoughts and emotions. Emotions versus FeelingsWe also tend to use the word 'feeling' interchangeably with emotion, but feelings include both emotional experiences and physical sensations. For example, we might say we're feeling hungry, feeling tired, or feeling itchy even though these are not emotions. But we can also feel emotions—for example, we may feel upset, angry, or sad. Emotional IntelligenceEmotional intelligence is a type of intelligence that is defined as the ability to monitor and regulate one’s own and others’ emotions and to use emotions to facilitate one’s thoughts and actions (Brackett, Rivers, & Salovey, 2011). It's generally broken up into the following four parts: Emotion perception. This involves the ability to correctly perceive emotions including facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. Emotion facilitation of thought.This involves the ability to use one’s emotions to aid problem-solving. Emotion understanding. This involves understanding emotions, including the way that emotions change over time, the causes, and consequences of emotions, and how emotions may blend. Emotion regulation. This involves the management of one’s own and other‘s emotions and usually involves the up-regulation of positive emotions and down-regulation of negative emotions (Elfenbein & MacCann, 2017). Each of these aspects of emotional intelligence helps us navigate the world more effectively. So let's dive into each of them a bit more. What About Positive & Negative Emotions?When we think about emotion, we often focus mostly on negative emotions. Negative emotions are unpleasant or undesirable states. Even though we may not like negative emotions, they help us do important things in our lives. For example, fear can help us escape from a predator, anger can help us right injustices, and sadness can help us rest or seek social support. This just shows that we need negative emotions. Positive emotions are pleasant or desirable states. These are just as important as negative emotions. If we understand what increases our positive emotions, we have a better chance of increasing our well-being. Emotion ContagionOkay, so we know a bit about our own emotions. But can we catch other people's emotions? The research suggests that yes, we can. Emotional contagion—or the transfer of emotion between people—appears to occur easily, even in online situations (Fan, Xu, & Zhao, 2018). We tend to feel bad when others feel bad and good when others feel good. Some researchers suggest we might reduce emotional contagion by alternating between moments of self-awareness and moments of other awareness (Hatfield, Cacioppo, & Rapson, 1993). For example, if we're starting to feel anxious but can't identify any clear cause, we might try to turn on our emotion perception to see if we're 'catching' anxiety from someone we're interacting with. Then we might aim to become more present in our body and help the other person regulate their emotions to reduce our negative emotions. Emotional HealthUltimately, emotional health arises from positive thoughts and behaviors—things like emotion regulation, a healthy diet, and effective communication. Good sleep, a good diet, and regular exercise all make it easier for us to regulate our emotions. Emotional health and physical health really do go together and work together. References
How to deflate and reduce sadness to get your life back. Although we can sometimes get caught in our sad feelings, we don't have to. We can undo sadness and start growing our happiness and well-being. Here are some ways to deal with sad feelings. 1. Beat ruminationRumination is when you get stuck in your head, thinking about all the negative stuff that has gone wrong or could go wrong. Rumination is a key feature of depression and contributes to so much unnecessary sad feelings. That's why beating rumination is an important first step to getting through sadness. To stop the rumination, try engaging your body in some activity that is intense enough that you can't think for a few minutes. For example, you could do sprints or take an ice-cold shower. This shock can stop your brain from cycling and force it to focus on the present moment. 2. Imagine a bright future, not a gloomy futureIf something has happened to us to make us sad, we might become sadness-prone—only thinking about the worst things that could happen. It's common because we feel like if we think through these bad outcomes, we can better prepare. But it just makes us feel worse in the long run. Our sadness can snowball into feeling all sorts of other negative emotions. So, try to imagine a brighter future, even if only in an exercise to help your brain break through sad feelings. Here's an exercise to imagine future happiness. 3. Cultivate mindfulness skillsMindfulness involves self-reflection to gain awareness and acceptance of thoughts and emotions. Mindfulness can undo negative thinking styles that generate excess sadness. To practice this skill, pause, pay attention to your negative emotions, and attempt to approach them with curiosity instead of judgment. 4. Try cognitive reappraisalReappraisal is an emotion regulation strategy that we can use to reinterpret a sad situation in a more positive (or less negative) way. Reappraisal is hard for many of us, and if we have a hard time seeing the silver linings, this can contribute to higher levels of sadness and depression. Luckily, we can get better at reappraisal. We just must practice thinking about what’s good in the situation. What are you grateful for, how could it have gone worse, or what small things are good? By using reappraisal, you can stop sad feelings. 5. Read some books on overcoming sadnessThere are so many science-based strategies you can use to undo sadness. By reading self-help books, you can begin to learn and implement these strategies into your life. So, grab some high-quality self-help books or take an online program to boost happiness and learn the skills you need to decrease your sad feelings. 6. Boost your serotoninLow serotonin is linked to depression. So how might you increase serotonin? One quick way is to eat carbohydrates. Yeah, it turns out that the warm fuzzy feeling we get when we eat carbs is in part due to the serotonin boost, we get from them. Another way to boost serotonin is to (carefully) take 5-HTP supplements, which help increase serotonin in the body. And aerobic exercise may contribute to higher levels of serotonin. 7. Eat less sugarI was super surprised to discover greater sugar intake is linked to higher levels of depression. We already knew sugar we bad for our physical health, but it turns out to be bad for our mental health, too. So, try not to consume so much sugar if you're struggling with sad feelings. 8. Don't obsess about your sad feelingsFeeling sad sucks. But we can't allow ourselves to obsess about it. If we focus too much on our lack of happiness and worry about being stuck in sadness, we just make things worse. So try to focus on actions you can take and things you can do to feel better, rather than focusing specifically on your sad feelings. 9. Get a positive emotion boostPositive emotions broaden our thought processes and build on themselves, creating a lifeline to us when we're stuck in sadness. That’s why doing things to create more positive emotions is so important for reducing our sadness. There are so many ways to create positive emotions. In many ways, this may be easier than decreasing the negative emotions directly. For example, you can improve your ability to think positively or practice gratitude. You can also do things you enjoy, like spending time with friends, going outside, or reading. Whatever makes you happy, do these things. 10. Outsmart your smartphoneWe’re on our phones 24-7. But spending too much time on our phones or the internet is associated with higher levels of depression and loneliness. So, you need to learn how to "outsmart your smartphone" and use our phones in ways that increase happiness instead of sadness. 11. Be kind to yourselfChallenging self-critical thoughts and being self-compassionate can help reduce negative emotions like sadness. So, if you’re being hard on yourself, try thinking about your good qualities and strengths. 12. Make a planThere are many actions you can take to beat sadness, making a "happiness plan" can be helpful. For example, you could do one new sadness-busting strategy each day. Whatever works for you to ensure you'll do the things that make you feel better is what matters most. References
What skills can be used to regulate your emotions? Find out here. Effective emotion regulation can make you feel better in the short term and in the longer term. When we do not have emotion regulation skills, we often rely on unhealthy emotion regulation strategies like drinking alcohol, doing drugs, or overeating. These may make us feel good in the short-term but worse in the longer term. By building our emotion regulation skills, we can more effectively manage our emotions with healthier strategies and avoid using these unhealthy strategies. Emotion regulation skills include a variety of strategies that help us feel better and generate a lasting sense of well-being. Here are some emotion regulation skills to start learning: 1. Self-AwarenessSelf-awareness is sometimes considered an emotion regulation skill. If we are not self aware, we are going to have a hard time being aware of our emotions. How can we regulate emotions we are not aware of? By increasing self-awareness, we build a better foundation for future effective emotion regulation. 2. Emotional AcceptanceEmotional acceptance is a skill that involves experiencing negative emotions without judging them or yourself. Emotional acceptance is a key emotion regulation skill because judgment of our negative emotions just amplifies them making them stronger, last longer, and become harder to regulate. To accept your emotions, practice mindfulness and non-judgment. 3. Emotional CognitionThere are all sorts of processes in our brains that aid emotion regulation. These "emotional cognitions" can be altered with various types of training. More specifically, activating regions of the brain associated with positive concepts may be beneficial. One way to do this is to recite and memorize positive words. Bringing these words to mind can strengthen emotion regulation processes. 4. Emotional AttentionAnother way to regulate our emotions is to re-direct our attention towards the positive. Focusing on the negative things makes us feel worse; shifting attention to the positive helps us feel better. One study trained participants to focus on neutral instead of threatening faces in a computerized task, and this training resulted in reductions in social anxiety. Build this skill by focusing your attention on the positive. 5. ReappraisalReappraisal is an emotion regulation skill that involves cognitively reframing an experience as more positive or less negative. Building this skill can both increase positive emotion and decrease negative emotion simultaneously. 6. Temporal DistancingTemporal distancing involves shifting the way you think about your present situation by thinking about it from a time in the future. This technique helps regulate our emotions if we can see that these emotions won't be so bad after some time. Basically, we remind ourselves that "this too shall pass." 7. Self-DistancingSelf-distancing is an emotion regulation skill that involves looking at your situation as “a fly on the wall." Emotionally distancing yourself from your experience and looking at it from an outsider’s perspective helps you disconnect from your negative emotions and see them in a new way. 8. SavoringSavoring is an emotion regulation skill that involves holding on to positive experiences and the emotions they produce. When we savor our good moments and experiences, we generate more positive emotions and create longer-lasting positive experiences. 9. GratitudeGratitude is an emotion regulation skill that involves thankfulness. It helps us feel good and makes others feel good too. Gratitude has been shown to increase positive emotions while also improving the quality of our personal relationships. We can practice gratitude with gratitude lists, gratitude notes, and gratitude letters. References
What is negativity and how do you shift your mindset for more positivity? Negativity involves feeling sad, skeptical, and pessimistic. When our thoughts are shrouded in negativity, we can easily find the worst in any situation, even situations that objectively are not that bad. Because negativity makes us feel bad, it tends to be bad for our well-being. If you find that you struggle with negativity, you're not alone. In fact, humans have a negativity bias. A negativity bias just means that we notice and feel negative things more intensely than positive things—and negative things have a bigger impact on our mental health. So that means we could experience a bunch of positive things, but the one negative thing could ruin our entire day. If our thoughts are plagued by negativity, this can be especially true for us. How do we stop feeling so negative?Firstly, go easy on yourself. Remember, we are all negative sometimes and that's okay. Remember to have self-compassion as you're working to shift your negative thoughts. But it's also helpful to know that our brains like to do things the way they have always done them. If we've been negative for a long time, regulating our emotions and shifting to more positive thoughts may be a little harder and take a little longer. Just keep at the strategies below to see improvement over time. 1. Make positive concepts more accessible in your brainOur brains prefer to just go to whatever is familiar—it's easier, quicker, and requires less energy. So undoing negativity involves making positive concepts more familiar and accessible in the brain. One way to do this is to just have a "positive word of the day". Or memorize a series of positive words each morning and ask yourself to recall them each night. Although the research hasn't shown that there are positive regions of the brain, per se, strengthening the connections between positive concepts and strengthening your ability to generate positive thoughts, words, and emotions can likely make it easier to do this again in the future. 2. Deconstruct your negativityWhen we feel negative, it can be easy to see the external causes of our negative emotions but not the internal causes. The truth is our thoughts have just as much (or maybe more) to do with our negativity than the situations we're in. We really do create our own reality. To deconstruct how your thoughts lead to your negativity, engage in self-reflection by asking yourself if you do any of the things below:
3. Check your attribution styleDo you feel like nothing you do matters, and the world is responsible for all your woes? Of course, this may be true sometimes, but this "external attribution" means we have given up control of our lives and this can end up making us feel worse. To shift this thinking, try to think of the things you do have control over. We all have control over some aspects of our lives. Or do you feel like you are to blame for all of your woes? This "internal attribution" style where we blame ourselves for the bad things can hurt our self-esteem and emotional health. To shift this thinking, recognize that not everything is in your control. We all have done bad things, but we can move past them when we see that we did the best we could given the situations we were in. Either of these attribution styles can be problematic when they go unchecked. So, keep an eye out for them. 4. Generate positive emotions with your imaginationWhen we struggle with negativity, we get good at imagining negative things. Therefore, forcing yourself to imagine the positive things can help change these patterns. So, give it a go and try imagining positive things. Imagine eating your favorite food, seeing your favorite person, or going to a favorite place. 5. Halt ruminative cyclesDo you dwell on the bad stuff, working yourself up until you've got steam coming out of your ears? We all do this from time to time, but it's rarely helpful and not actually good for our well-being. Still, stopping rumination can be hard. In fact, telling our minds to just "Stop!" thinking of something can often make us think of it even more. Instead, activate your body to stop the negativity fast. For example, you could go for a run or take a cold shower. These physical jolts to the body can force your energy resources to go elsewhere and really help stop a negative racing mind. 6. Practice gratitudePracticing gratitude makes it easier to focus on the good things and accept the bad things. We realize that things are not as bad as they may seem, and it helps us stop the negativity. To practice gratitude, you can try writing gratitude notes, gratitude lists, or a gratitude journal. When we notice these good things, it can also be helpful to savor them. Maybe your mom calls to check in on you. Instead of focusing on the things that annoy you, you remind yourself that she's calling because she cares and you savor that feeling of being cared for (easier said than done, I know). Just keep trying until you find what works for you. 7. Do positive thingsOne of the easiest ways to feel less negative is to do things that make you feel less negative. Engage in activities that make you feel good—spend time with friends, go hiking, do crafts, or dance—whatever helps you feel less stuck.
On the flip side, try to stay away from activities that make you feel negative. For example, watch how much time you spend on your phone or social media. These activities can feel good in the moment but can increase negativity if we're not careful. Discover modern perspectives and tips to help you achieve a more fulfilling life. Another way to understand happiness is with the concept of eudaimonia, which combines eu (good) and daimon (spirit). Eudaimonia has been defined as a life well-lived, or human flourishing. A systematic review on eudaimonia found that most definitions include the following four elements (Huta & Waterman, 2014):
Ways to Increase Eudaimonia Well-BeingWe’ve talked a lot about eudaimonia, but perhaps you still need more help to create it. Here are a few actionable steps that you can take to promote eudaimonia: 1. Express your values and stick to themWe all have different values. If something is truly important to you, try your best to stand by it, even when others don’t agree. This will also help you feel true to yourself (see #6). 2. Write down your biggest goalsI know this sounds like a daunting task but hear me out. This isn’t your usual career goal or where you want to see yourself in 20 years. These are goals that reflect your core values. Sure, they can be related to your career, but think about it at a broader level. For example, some of my big goals are ‘to help people who are struggling’ and ‘to stand up for marginalized groups’. 3. Develop and refine your skills and capabilitiesNo matter who you are, you are good at something (or many things). You have traits that can help you achieve your goals (re: #2). Maybe you’re good at giving advice, or your detail-oriented, or you have an ear for music. Whatever it is, focus your efforts on developing the skills that bring you joy. 4. Focus on the quality, not quantity, of your relationshipsThis might seem obvious, but social connections play a major role in well-being. Of course, you’ll form new relationships as you start different chapters of your life but remember not to neglect the people you cherish and truly care about. This can be as simple as expressing gratitude or calling them now and then to check-in. Also, sometimes relationships are no longer serving us, which may mean it’s time for those to end. 5. Do the things you genuinely want to do As you read earlier, you might engage in something because it’s personally rewarding (i.e., intrinsic motivation) or externally rewarding (i.e., extrinsic motivation). Find things you love to do, and not only have to do. Yes, life is full of responsibilities and activities that are extrinsically motivated, but even a few side hobbies that bring you joy can be helpful in the long run. 6. Be authentic and true to yourselfHave you ever felt not quite like ‘yourself’ after saying or doing something? Me too. We all have those moments. It’s not a comfortable feeling because it feels like you’re lying to yourself. It’s no wonder that authenticity is such a big part of eudaimonia. 7. Do Positive ActivitiesWhat are some things you can do in daily life to promote eudaimonia? A study by Steger and colleagues (2008) outlined the following eudaimonia activities:
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AuthorPamela (Pami) Parker currently serves as a holistic practitioner, coach and teacher. Her intention is to be a compassionate guide to those who choose to experience a healthier, happier and more peaceful way of life. Categories
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